20062017

Second attempt~ This time I measure it nicely with ruler and rub it nicely with my fingers until I have carbon intoxication perhaps.. And I cant stop impressed by myself after finishing this, staring at it, looking at it, showing off to everybody and force them to praise me. Yea, a bad habit of mine, cant help but sharing my joy to other people forcefully.

Too much negative input recently, too many things to do and think about, like its time to write my thesis, to plan my remaining experiments, to plan my teaching course, to write reports and feedback on students, to learn how to deal with the kids, to learn how to deal with the grown ups, especially those undesirably people who think you are too free to listen to their shit.. Oh, maybe I am one of them too, throwing rubbish to other people. But since I realize it now, I will just stop it. 

Too stop all those unwanted information coming in and disturbing my mind, first thing I uninstalled was the Facebook app to prevent myself from scrolling endlessly when I should do my work. I couldn't deactivate my account yet because I have to organize the weekly volunteer work through the group (okay this is mainly just an excuse). Anyway, I also deleted all those mobile games which I used to be so addicted with but not now, clearing every single app that I used to scroll scroll click click. Fresh start huh? I hope so.

Just when I promised myself to sleep early since last Friday, I have to break that seal today. Just gone back from badminton session and I haven't even bath and mop the floor. And I already feel so tired just by thinking about tomorrow stuff. Got to teach from 8 - 9.30am and then rush back to campus for a 10am - 12.30pm training course and then meeting a student from 12.45pm till I dunno what time then I will be having a 2pm meeting with my boss for thesis write up planning. Okay, I should at least be happy about this, like finally, he decided to push me on that and I really need the kind of push. I wonder why he never scolded me even I am so bad at answering and relating my research work. Maybe if he scold me I will be mad at him for awhile then I will work in full force instead of the slacking mood like now.

~nong~

Letter 001

Had been hearing things where I previously guessed so but not daring enough to confirm it. I thought I would raged after listening but No. Even though I still feel a bit sad  and down because people whom I previously trust would understand did not act as I thought. But well, since they never affected me when I never know, I guess I shouldn't let that affect me now as well. 

Had been practicing to live my own life and those who understand me will know, as for those who don't I shouldn't care too much too. Though I am still not good enough in holding back my commenting/ complaining words on people when I promised myself to let go. So I shall continue practicing on that and stay as calm as possible… But hey, I found a new way to meditate and release those negative thoughts. So, maybe this would slow down my anger until things passed?

~nong~

081116

坚持理想，保持积极态度，好事也会随之而来。=)

昨天开始都在亢奋的状态中，今天在这里纪念一下。整理照片的时候不小心删除了几张在香港 conference 的照片，已无法寻回。有点小遗憾，不过最近放下的心态挺好。之前，朋友的朋友所分享的 “断舍离” 正在很好的发挥着作用。即使少了照片，好的回忆会一直留在脑中。

拍的比较好的被删掉了，所以发一张脸臭的 （误！其实是紧张的）提醒自己继续在这条道路上努力奋斗。期望明年的这个时候可以把论文交上准备viva。^_^

~nong~

SONSOFDAY - Oceans Deep

One of them shared this song in the wechat group. Exactly the type of song that I will like and since then I have been listening to it repeatedly. I always have this habit of repeating one single song for unlimited times until I got bored. One way that I calm myself down without having the need to find a new song every time that matches my mood on that day. But, no matter how many times I listen to one song, I can never memorise the lyrics.

~yurikaz~

Screw this title thing!

I used to like writing a lot, until I enrolled into PhD and needs to write all sorts of stuff as in abstracts, manuscripts, proposals and mostly reports, tonnes of reports. Then I realised, I only like to write nonsense, something not so academic, something that I can simply write without the need to think if the sentence is too lengthy or if the tenses used matches the paragraph or if the explanation is scientific enough. Just like reading, where I have preference to only story books or novels and anything unrelated to that I don't even feel like touching it at all. And then, the moment I start to think, nah, its fine, I have had enough with words~ let me just play some game, scroll some facebook viewing some of the videos, although mostly is dumb in a way, but it is funny and most importantly I don't need to think. Until one day, I realised that my brain is stuffed with nothing very much useful and it has been a very long time since I pick up this writing habit leaving my blog in lonliness without even bother to visit it as often.. because.. I. have. got. nothing. to. share. because. my. life. is. too. boring. because. I. am. too. lazy. to. think. and. write. because. I. think. I. should. use. this. time. to. write. something.more. important. such. as. my. long. due. 'something'. and. I. know. these. are. all. lame. excuses.

Hell yeah, so here I am, back to here sharing something boring or maybe not and I have no idea on this but who cares? I just want to write something which is not related to my research. So for the past two years, I couldn't exactly remember when did I really sit down, and give a thought to something really serious like life??? okay this is boring. But then, after I had my second year viva the other day, I started to rethink about everything thanks to my assessor. So, I used to read because I know I have to, and write because I need to but without making use of my brain to tell people why are they so. Yes, why? And my assessor say, you can't just report as a report without telling people why is it happening. Then with my other PhD mates, we came out with this conclusion: 'why' the most important question in our research, we ourselves made this question up and we have to answer it ourselves, that is how dumb smart we are as a scientist. =x

3 of us were talking about this on a bench outside one of the accommodation building in UNNC with a chilly weather at night after dinner and this is when I learned a new word: sated; where your satisfaction is to the max level and you don't feel like doing anything at that time. Then I realised, after almost 6 months staying here in Ningbo, I started to feel a little reluctant to go back. Though I miss my family, my home, my king size bed, my car, my housemates aka colleagues, and most importantly Malaysia's food..... I wonder why does good bye always come after I finally get used to some places and the moment I start to get familiar with the people here and starts having friends that can hang out together. 

~nong~